I NEED HELP FOR CHRISTMAS

"Love your neighbor as yourself." — Moses (ca. 1525-1405 BCE) in the Torah, Leviticus 19:18

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." — Jesus (ca. 5 BCE—33 CE) in the Gospels, Luke 6:31; Luke 10:27 (affirming of Moses)— Matthew 7:12

*If there is anybody who would like me to pray for them , please put your request on my site. I am not a saint , and I am not perfect , and I don't have any money , but at least I can offer some prayers. they are free !

soulight-my story so far

THIS IS MY STORY SO FAR :

My story actually goes farther back than the story listed below.Back to when I left an abusive husband .

Then I had to move from a big city that we lived in for 13 years because it is too expensive for a single mom with health problems. We moved in with family in a small midwest town ,who, unfortunatley, were set in their ways and didn't want to bend for the younger people ,and kicked us out.(It was actually from religious differences. I am a Christian , they aren't)

I finally found a job that included " health insurance" (that was a joke), and that had hours where i could goto work after school started for my daughter,and be back home before school was over so that I could be there for my daughter ,and then this happened :

2 years ago i fell at work. i worked for a major discount chain store , that sells at "roll-back" prices. i wont mention the name , but you probably know who i mean.

the first thing that happened after i fell , my manager said "you have the same injury on your hand that my mom had when she used to spank me"(weird i know) and "its the weekend when we have our best business" , and "your not really hurt that much" he refused to go along with my request to go to the hospital. a week later , i asked another manager to take me to a doctor . he did , i had a sprained neck, a sprained arm, a badly bruised hip and a problem with my balance and hearing.and i have been going to doctors , physical therapists ,occupational therapists ,and pain doctors ever since then. the company has put myself and my daughter and all my friends and family through living hell. the managers who messed up by not taking me to the doctor immeadiately were"transfered to a different store"

so... after over 2 years of fighting this company andtheir insurance i ended up with no workers comp., no disability and no job. i am permantly disabled , and fighting for social security . my lawyer ,( who has ms herself and is an amazing person and example for me), is a God send , and is fighting for me. , as are all my doctors and therapists.

But , in the meantime , i have 15 different medsthat cost over 1,500 dollars a month. i am currently being helped with those by our community health . but i was turned down for medicaid ,who was paying for the meds , and my lawyer is not sure when my appeal will come through , if it does ,andthe community health may run out. i am praying it doesnt. i am very thankful thati have it.

i have no money. no income at all. my family and church are helping at the moment , and i have applied to everything that i can think of , or have been refered to. i have(not all are as a result of the accident) : insulin dependent diabetes,fibromyalgia , arthritis of the spine, high blood pressure , asthma , sleep apnea , circadian rythm disorder ,a vestibular balance problem , a gait(walking ) problem, myofacial pain disease ,allergies to all sorts of stuff , IBS ,adrenal problems , female problems , chronic pain for which my doctor put me on morphine , and depression (i wonder why?)

my daughter(who also has diabetes) is a wonderful help. she is smart enough to have gotten into college with scholarships and grants. she has had to stay home and go to the community college to help care for me. my muscles dont work well, and i cant lift anything over 1/2 pound without dropping it. my daughter is trying to get a job to help and has applied to over 37 places so far. she hasnt had any luck. she doesnt have any work experience because all she has done in her spare time is help me. my parents have been helping , but my father is in a wheelchair ,and my mom just had complete hip replacement , so they have thier own problems.they also said they canthelp much longer. my social worker said that i cant be helped until i am facing eviction , and then i will have to pay them back. FROM WHAT MONEY?

my lawyer said it will probably be 2 years before my sociail sec. appeal comes up.

in the meantime , i dont know how my daughter and i will live. so far , i have been blessed by family and friends, but i am so ashamed that i can do nothing to help the situation myself . i dont want pity , i just want a way to make it so that i am not such a burden on others.

(I HAVE BEEN READING SO MANY STORIES ABOUT PEOPLE ON THIS SITE ABOUT HOW THEY NEED HELP AND NO ONE IS HELPING. I DON'T FEEL LIKE I AM A BURDEN ANYMORE , JUST VERY THANKFUL. DONT LET ANYONE MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY FOR NEEDING HELP. )10-5-06

YOU ARE WORTH IT. WE NEED MORE OF THE "UN-POOR" TO STOP BEING SO SELF-RIGHTEOUS AND WALK IN THE OTHER PERSONS' SHOES.-10-5-06

anyprayer or suggestions are gladly welcome please , if you have a story that is similar i would love to hear from you on how it turned out and if you have ANY SOURCES I CAN GO TO FOR HELP.(after all Aidpages are for People helping People !)

thank you

soulight

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With all the recent greediness on Aidpages( This was after my first Christmas on Aidpages when people were GREEDY and just wanted more and more just given to them. It made many of us sick of hearing all the greedy requests - sl 04/03/08 ) , I have wondered if all my time put into trying to help fellow Aidmates has been worth it. I have been thinking about this a lot. I decided that if just one person is helped because of something that I put on Aidpages , it is worth it. All the people who are scamming and just out for a free ride of money will suffer in their own ways ,and I don't need to address their problems , but I am on here for those who are willing to go partway with me in solving their own problems . We all need support and encouragement. That is what I want to do - support and encourage people to grow towards the person God made them to be. So , I carry on.

Just another update. My medicaid was just turned down again. I need therapy for my balance , my hip and shoulder , and occupational therapy. My doctor has re-written my functional capacity exam because I am getting worse. My rehab evaluation counselor doesn't think I have enough strength for a full time job , nor is my pain level low enough.

I have spent much time on these aidpages , but not full time. I rest alot in between . My illnesses are sometimes O.K. and sometimes I go into a major flare and everything falls apart. Right now ,I am typing with a major cramp in my left arm down to my hand , and I end up typing with one hand. I am getting weary of the fight , but not for long , God will see me through.

These pages have given me something to do that I have always wanted to do , and I don't even need a car , or money , or much energy to do them. Now why can't a real job be like that ? Of course , I couldn't just stop typing and take a nap whenever I wanted to with a 'real job.' ; )Never give up.

I thought i might add another update, since it has been a while. My pain levels have increased greatly and i am not sure why . I have to wait to find out though , because i am having a hard time with insurance again.I have to re-apply for some of my assistance through the state , as my lawyer had some major problems(death in family) , and we missed a deadline. I like this lawyer a lot , but this is another set back. i got a special voice activated computer program from my daughter ,and it is much easier than typing , as on my bad days , my arms and hands cramp up. Having all these things happen to me is a blessing. NO I AM NOT CRAZY ! ! ! it is just that i have always wanted to help other people ,and the more that i go through , the more i understand what others are going through , and i am greatful for that empathy. Still , i really , really wish more people came to Aidpages to help others rather than to always want help , as i get weary of the "givemes". Is our country truly full of so many greedy , needy people ? I don't mean needy for money , but needy for a good spiritual , moral base.Anyway, i went to a rehab program ,and though i was not accepted because of my pain and physical problems , they said it will be hard to get social security because i am too intellegent. GO FIGURE , IF I HAD KNOWN THIS I COULD HAVE CHEATED ON MY TESTS BY MISSING ANSWERS : ^ (-ADDENDUM , I WOULD HAVE NOT CHEATED ON THE TESTS . THIS IS A JOKE !

Anyway , i plug on and I DO NOT GIVE UP . We all need to keep up the good fight ,and run the race. In the end we will recieve the prize.

Today I just need to vent a little. I do love helping people, but it would help if they help themselves a little. I spend hours finding information , and then people come on a page and ask for assistance with something that is already addressed on one of my Aidpages. It seems people don't even want to read the page for help ,they just want me to do ALL the work for them. I hope these people start helping themselves ,or they will be caught in the 'please help poor me' trap for the rest of their lives ,and it seems that this is a miserable way to live. I don't want to live that way.Maybe some people do.If that is the case , what a sad existance.

As of today , i will start helping people only through prayers and my Aidpages , at least for a while. It is so tiring to help so many who have an emergency or crisis. My own health challenges and life challenges need some attention , so i pray that people search for help for themselves , starting with my Aidpages as a jumping off place. I care about people and what happens to them , but i need to care about me and my daughter too.I still struggle with all the things listed below. I am blessed by help from family and church , but it still is quite a struggle and very energy zapping . My own health problems already include low energy challenges , so i am pulling back on some of my commitments in my life right now to save what energy i do have for the most important things.

I will still add things as i find them for assistance ,and i will still monitor my pages everyday , but i will not be helping people on an individual level . I hope people understand this. It would be so cool if some others stepped up and STARTED HELPING OTHERS AND REALLY MAKE AIDPAGE PEOPLE HELPING PEOPLE ! ! ! : )

So , I am feeling much better . My asthma was part of what was causing the fatigue. And , I will be having a sleep study , as I probably have apnea and stage 4 sleep problems related to the fibro. What fun. Still , my problems might be lessened if I slept better.

I hope to interact more with people on Aidpage , and I still hope and pray that there continue to be more people who HELP EACH OTHER OUT !!! :<)

My review with my social worker is coming up in a couple weeks. Anybody who reads this and is a pray-er , lift me up ! Please !

Am now waiting for results from the sleep study. Sleep studies are interesting things ! They stick electrodes on you , tell you that you have to sleep at least 7 hours ,then tell you that the camera on the table is so that someone can watch you while you sleep ! It is a blessing that I slept at all. Two things though( i already knew) i snore A LOT , and i dream A LOT )

Well , i have sleep apnea. Now that we know , we can do something about it and hopefully i will not be so fatigued all the time. It is a mild case ,though. I only stop breathing 5 times an hour.(!)

We had to put our beloved Ginger to sleep on Monday . She was a very special , loving cat. We will miss her so much. Thank you God for giving us the gift of Ginger.

I need a second sleep study , because they need to fit the APAP (breathing machine) . They also think that I may have seizures while I sleep as the whole inside of my mouth is chewed up.

I guess it is time to update my story . Especially with the news that I just got today !

It seems that between my last brain MRI and the one I had about 3 weeks ago , I had a stroke ! Wonderful news , not. If you are a praying person , please put me in your prayers as to what the medical team should do next to help this situation.

I am not discouraged . GOD IS GOOD , ALL THE TIME . HE DOES NOT CHANGE ,AND I KNOW HE LOVES ME NO MATTER WHAT ! ! !

Boy am I depressed . My hearing has finally come up next month and my lawyer has a great (not) attitude. She said the judge that I have is the worst one for my case. She tried to change the judge by saying that I can't travel so far to attend the meeting ( I will get way too fatigued) . They won't let us change anything , so guess what ? Now that she has said so much bad stuff about the judge , we are stuck with him. PLEASE KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS ON FEBRUARY 11 . THIS IS SOOO IMPORTANT TO ME .

So ... I got the flu complicated by pneumonia ( even though I recieved a flu shot and a pneumonia shot ) and ended up in the emergency room on a breathing machine and I.V.

This was all shortly before my SSI/SSA hearing . I had no choice but to cancel the hearing . My doctor wrote a note so that I would still get a gold or silver star from the Social Security people for being good ( am I sounding sarcastic today ? ) Anyway , my hearing has been re-scheduled for June 2008 , so it is not too far off. I call this situation the time that soulight got sick so that her lawyer could have the judge that she really wanted ;o ) .

I think that I am going to make this blog a little more exciting by adding more information than just the saga of my medical journey . I will start adding more fun stuff and stories.

Lately , instead of working on my more serious Aidpages , I have been doing freebie and precious stuff type pages . Sometimes I need a break from all the sorrow in this world. So many people are hurting .

Being a human being with MANY faults and trials of my own , it can be overwhelming hearing other people's struggles. I LOVE ASSISTING OTHERS . IT IS ONE OF MY PASSIONS IN LIFE. But I am just a regular person who has burdens just like anyone else , so sometimes I need a break.

Today , I have been working on my recycle/reuse/regift/wanna-be-a-hippie in my younger days page.soulight777.googlepages.com/recycle,re-use,and re-inventing . It is a page of reminiscing , recycling , creative uses of things and other groovy stuff. I am hoping that some day I may be able to have a bigger place to live . Maybe with some earth to plant in and an outbuilding to "do" messy art projects , potting plants , recycling bins and other puttering fun . Someday . . . with God anything is possible.Plus , I have been working on my dumpster diver page soulight777.googlepages.com/livingthefrugallifeormemoirsofadumpsterd , and my free-stuff-for-Christians(or who ever wants free Christian stuff) page soulight777.googlepages.com/christianfreebies ( I love the gadget that I found for this page where you can feed the little fishies swimming around - check it out for a cheap thrill !), oh , and my free for homeschoolers and life long learners page http://free-for-homeschoolers.app-sl-1.aidpage.com/ . Many pages tend to link together in one way or another and I end up going off into many little baby bunny trails . The story of my life. ; D To quote a favorite movie ( The Dream Team) "Chaos is great" Order is great too , but I am afraid is pretty foreign to me ;+ (. I guess I had better start working on a " How to organize your home and your life page .

Since I have been feeling pretty good lately , I hope to assist more of my fellow Aidmates by pointing them to help that I have found . I hope this feeling good lasts for a while !

So , it is really , finally spring ! Michigan , where I live , is pretty unpredictable , but I think we are over the snow . It has snowed in May here ,and once even in June ! Hopefully , we won't set any more records. We already set the record for the most snow ever in some of our winter months this past year .

I have started writing a few things on Aidpages discussion pages. This is a great concept and I hope more people start using these tools for finding help .

Well , no more to say right now . I haven't really worked on any pages yet today . Instead I am trying to touch base with Aidmates who have asked questions. I hope I don't miss anyone. If I missed you and you are reading this , remind me please !?!?!

What a difference a couple of days make . I feel like crap . It is either another flu-type thing or strep throat . BLAH : < ( . I am trying to work on some pages , but I think I would rather go lay down .

Now if people need help and I am sick ( which can be for days in between when I am on Aidpages ) , hopefully , they can find something that may assist them. I hope that I feel better faster this time and it doesn't turn into pneumonia again . If you are reading this , include me in your prayers , O.K. ? Thank you ! soulight

So . . . I have a throat infection plus a double ear infection. No wonder I feel like crap :( . That's all . I'm going to take a nap now. soulight

Wow ! Prayer and antibiotics can sure make infections better fast . It is amazing how little things are so important if you can't have them . I just had 2 pieces of bread ! The last few days my throat was so swollen I could barely get an ice chip down . Bread is so good , especially when you don't have to push it down through a painful throat ! Today , I am just happy about prayer , antibiotics and bread ! Thank God for the little things ( and the holy things ) in life. ; )

P.S. If you are hurting and you are a martyr about it , like me , please don't try to 'tough it out' . First , you are just making yourself worse , and second , those who care about you suffer too .

Praise God for antibiotics ! I feel better everyday ! I am still totally fatigued . Even more so than my usual fibro fatigue. I have to take rest breaks all the time . I can't use my voice activated typing program until my 'lacerated throat" heals , so my arms and hand tend to cramp up , but I am better. Plus , I can eat more than bread today ! I can actually swallow without pain , which is TOTALLY COOL ! Today I am working on the help with housing -paying rent - fixing your home -paying your mortgage page .http://free-help-to-fix-up-your-home.app-sl-1.aidpage.com/ and the Grants for Individuals page http://grants-for-individuals.app-sl-1.aidpage.com/ -soulight

P.S. - I am told that many people with fibromyalgia have had unrealistic expectations of ourselves all our lives and we need to slow down as doing too much makes symptoms worse . It's true. : ( Fibro is God's way of saying ENOUGH ALREADY ! )

It is a site on the Net where you can get glasses for as little as $8.00 ! ! ! The most expensive pair that I saw was priced at $39.00 ! ! ! Check it out ! Now I might be able to get new glasses if I can pay for an exam . That would be cool.

I said that I was going to change what I wrote here so that it would have more positive stuff , but the truth is , I don't feel positive at all lately . I feel like crap . My body is not working for me the way that I would like and my spiritual life could use a boost. Do I feel sorry for myself ? The fact that I don't want to answer is a good indication that I do. I also am depressed , which I need to talk to my doctor about. I still do not give up hope but I am feeling down right now.

Please keep me in your prayers. I continue to pray anyone who would like me to for their lives also. - soulight

I am feeling better , although now I have another cold. I am suspecting my c-pap machine. I keep it clean , but I am thinking I should use a disenfectant on it too . If anyone else uses one of these machines and has the same problem , will you IM me and tell me what you do about it ? Thanks

Today I am working on many different pages. I found over 325 resources that I bookmarked to "use later" . Later is whenever I remember , I guess ; o )

So , on the Frugal living/Low Income Living page : soulight777.googlepages.com/livingthefrugallifeormemoirsofadumpsterd I added information about low cost phone companies. I also am working on my Original Single Moms Page : soulight777.googlepages.com/soulightsoriginalsinglemomspage . This is the page as it originally appeared when I found Aidpages in 2006 . Going back to add things to this page reminds me how much I want to reach out to my fellow single moms. We are millions strong in the country and still fighting for our rights and the rights of our children . Plus the DEAD BEAT DADS thing is just disgusting.

I have to say that my ex has worked his way into this infamous group of dead beat dads . My daugher deserves so much better from him . She is a wonderful person and I am proud of her for who she is becoming . Guess what her father is the LOSER on this one. His stupid decisions have made him lose out on a wonderful relationship with a super person .My daughter is the best thing that came out of a bad marriage . I am so blessed by her

Another page I am working on is the Freebies for Christians page .soulight777.googlepages.com/christianfreebies I found a site where you can download and copy up to 1,000 copies of articles/studies to share with your group or church . Pretty cool.

Wow , I can't believe it has been so long since I have written here. I have been dealing with a nasty bout with asthma and another problem which I will say would be fixed if I could "touch the hem of Jesus garment" ( a Biblical reference to a woman who touched His robe for healing for a 'womens' problem). Anyway , I have been working on my pages on and off , but have not had energy to type much .

Oh , and if you could , will you please include me in your thoughts and prayers ? My appeal hearing for disability is on Thursday June 5 .

It seems such a long time since I have written here. Two weeks can be very long when you struggle with pain issues . I have been trying to recover from my hearing and a road trip . My hearing was crazy and I am still waiting for the outcome.

My road trip caused a major pain crisis. I just road in the car while my daughter did the driving . Got a meal . Shopped at one store . And the next week was my pain nightmare. However , one has to make a trade for a beautiful day and I would do it again . One beautiful day for one week of fatigue and stress . It will have to be a VERY BEAUTIFUL DAY though ; 0)